Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
