I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
