I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
