I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
