the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
