i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
