I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
