So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
