I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
