All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i drank out of a bidet.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
