I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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