I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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