did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
