all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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