I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
