Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
