I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
