What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
