Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
