Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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