threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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