He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
