I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
