I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize