we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
