Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
