then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
