You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You dont lie about slip and slides
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
