I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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