She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
