We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
