you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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