you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
