Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
