He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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