She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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