I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
