So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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