Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
