using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
