If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
