I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
