i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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