He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
