it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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