Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
