This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
