taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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