Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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