if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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