im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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