He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
