oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize