he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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