i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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