If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
