i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
