take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
