Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
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