We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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