This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
