I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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