Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
