apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
