either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
