Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
