apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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