watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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