Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
