You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All I want is dick and wine.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
