Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have aggressive nipples.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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