Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
