(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize